Farce Short Story

There once was a girl named Becky Elizabeth Ashley. Becky was the captain of the cheer leading squad. Becky had been a cheerleader ever since she could remember. She only recently became the captain of the varsity cheer leading squad. She was not going to let anyone mess up her senior year, nobody. Becky knew that her senior year was going to be amazing, especially because of cheer leading. The only problem, that Becky could see, is that the new male cheer leader, Tim John Smith, was entirely inexperienced in cheer leading. She was hoping that he would eventually realize that he was terrible at cheer leading and would quit all together. They had had 2 practices already and Tim was just not picking up on things at the pace he should. It would be nice to have a male cheerleader because of stunts, but if he could not even do the stunts, let alone the dances, cheers, and jumps, there was no way he was going to stay. No one wants to humiliate themselves that much.

Becky was starting to get worried when Tim John Smith had not quit by the fifth practice.

“What if he decides to stay and makes the squad look horrible? The squad is only as good as its worst cheer leader. This is not good news,” Becky thought. She knew how to get Tim off of the squad. The burden that is Tim, but it wouldn’t be easy. Becky thought about her options and decided she needed to kill Tim. Just kicking him off of the squad would not be enough. He could come back and Becky did not want that. She thought of all of the ways she could kill Tim, but one stood out in her mind. Becky knew what she had to do. She would take Tim on a cave exploration trip and leave him there to die. There was only one small problem: there were no caves within one-hundred and fifty miles of their school. Becky knew she would just have to make an extra long trip. She would invite Tim and make him think she was going to hand the captain spot over to him, because Tim honestly thinks he is that good. ( It gets on my nerves so much when he tries to brag about dancing for six months and then getting kicked out because he was incompetent. He thinks they were jealous of his dancing skills, but I talked to his former dance instructors and they said he was the worst dancer they had ever had at their studio.)

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            “I hate my life,” Becky thought as she wandered through the cave. Tim just would not stop talking. She was almost to the point where Tim would get lost. Becky made Tim leave his cell phone in the car because she told him that the cave would collapse if the phone’s signal were to go inside of the cave and the stupid idiot believed her! Becky tied a piece of string to the car door handle and then carried the spool with her throughout the cave so she could find her way back.

“It’s time to ditch him,” she thought. “Tim,” she said, “ I’m going to go take a pee. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay Beck!” Josh shouted, hurting Becky’s ears. It took everything she had not to just kill him right now. Becky walked around the corner and out of sight of Tim. She retraced her steps back to the car. “I’ve done it!” she thought. Becky drove back, just in time for cheer practice, and no one ever saw Tim again until he won the presidential election just 8 months later.

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