Gettysbeer Address
Four score and seven beers ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new alcoholic beverage conceived in drunkenness, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are cool for drinking this.
Now we are intoxicated by a great product, testing whether our nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure fleeting sobriety. We are met on a great battle-field of those who are sober and those who are drunk. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lunch to the floor and their naps to a stranger’s couch that our nation might live in total intoxication. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.
But, in a larger sense, we can not dedicate — we can not consecrate — we can not hallow — this ground. The brave men, passed out and puking, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, for our speech is so slurred, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who drank here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us — that from these drunken men, and hungover women, we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion — that we here highly resolve that these drunks shall not have drank in vain — that this nation, under the influence of alcohol, shall have a new birth of freedom — and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth. Alcohol for life #drunk #TGIF
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